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13 June 2015 @ 03:50 am
It's every bit as weird and sad to be home as I expected. Sigh.

I miss my mom. :(
07 June 2015 @ 12:21 pm
I'm going home this week for the first time since my mom has passed away.

I worry it's going to be sad and weird.

I have enough moments where I try to pick up the phone to call her, I am worried I'm going to walk into the living and expect to see her there. Sigh.
20 May 2015 @ 10:19 pm
I was watering my plants on my balcony (yes, I'm an old woman and have a balcony garden) and a birdie flew in. I screamed like a banshee for awhile because I thought it was a giant bug coming for my brain, but it was only an avian friend. http://i.imgur.com/noI4um1.jpg

The last of my posts here have been mopey, so I'm going to post happy pictures from the past few weeks. Not that anyone really reads this, but for my own sanity I need some happy.

My friend Virginia graduated and at her party we played with 8 kittens she has.

I feel like I'm posing for senior pictures.

Miss Ava drew her own set on her snapchat photo.

Awful photo of me, but genuinely happy with my fairy godfather and David didn't ruin the picture being back there ;/

Everything in Nashville is a guitar. D:

Pretty Nashville spring

I worked so hard to get this picture. I wish you could see the fake rockets on top better.

And that's all for now. D:

I'm still in a weird place, so posts will probably continue being a bit mopey. ;/ But hey. Balance.
28 April 2015 @ 12:43 am
I keep expecting this to somehow be easier, but it isn't. It's not changing, I'm not thinking about her less, I haven't stopped instinctively reaching for my phone only to realize I can't call or text.

I still cry almost every day, almost 5 months later,

I'm getting sick of being around sad me and I'm sure everyone else is too.
10 March 2015 @ 09:31 am
Caring about things and being passionate is frustrating.

I just want to eat spaghettios and grilled cheese and take a week off. From everything. Blerg.
29 January 2015 @ 01:26 am
I thought I'd forgotten the password on this for a minute and about lost my mind. I've have this thing going on 12 years. Geh. I'm getting old. I suppose there are just some things you never outgrow. And while this thing is filled with memories I'd often rather forget, it's still been here with me through a lot, good and bad. I'm sure there is still plenty more for it to see.

I still miss my mom. More everyday. I hope the missing stops feeling so debilitating soon. Sometimes it feels better for a little bit, and then I get caught in a spiral of thinking about all the things I wanted her to see and that I wanted to share with her. And just how I'll never see her again.

I miss her advice, her baking, the way she'd leave me voice mails, even when she'd snip at me.

Sigh. I just want a hug and a day I don't cry. Bleh.

Weird how priorities refocus.



I don't even know else to say so I've been reduced to noises.

I suppose I'm done for the night.

Oh. And I dyed my hair purple.
19 January 2015 @ 11:57 pm
The old cliché, you don't know what you had until it's gone, is painfully true.

I miss my mom more every day and haven't gone a day without crying since it happened. I don't foresee much change in this any time soon. Sigh.
17 November 2014 @ 11:43 am
'You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.
14 August 2014 @ 11:48 am
It's my birthday.

29 May 2014 @ 12:45 am

I'm not quite sure what I've done to deserve so many wonderful people in my life. But I think I've almost hit a point there are so many wonderful people I don't feel like I have the bandwidth to give everyone the attention they deserve. Oi. At least I've gotten half of them to use snapchat, my officially favorite communication form. I've taken to art work. This week has been crazy. I cleaned a lot. Started brewing beer. Bought my first expensive set of silverware like an adult. Ate Brazilian steakhouse with Rufio. And met a lot of awesome people! Here's to you life, you threw me some major shit heads (and I mean shit heads) but you've been doing well lately.

OH. And side rent. I've been playing arkham asylum. Why. The. Eff would you give the crocodile bad guy a sewer to hang out in? Oi.